The Complete Guide: Shy and Fearful Cats

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So you’ve got a shy cat — maybe they vanish as soon as someone comes to the door, live under the bed or startle easily. Because this behavior is so common in cats, it's easy to see this as normal, when really, shyness is not a personality trait but an expression of fear! Whether mild or severe, there are many things we can do to increase your kitty's confidence and reduce their fear.

Please note: Resources used in this article may feature dogs, but the ideas can be applied to cats.

Causes and Triggers

Similar to how some people are shyer or more anxious than others, some cats are naturally more cautious or fearful, too. However, that doesn't mean that a shy cat can't become more comfortable in certain environments, gain confidence or find ways to decrease fear, stress or anxiety.

An important step in helping your shy kitty become more confident is identifying and understanding the things that make them uncomfortable, or their triggers, and helping them avoid those things in the future.

Is your cat frightened of loud noises, other animals, new people, children or new objects? Do they run and hide frequently or only in specific situations? If you don't have the answers to these questions right now, that's OK! There are ways you can learn to identify your cat's triggers by reading their body language, noticing when they are stressed or scared and investigating what spooked them.

Body Language and Behavior

Cats communicate that they are uncomfortable, stressed or scared through body language and behavior. Cats can experience fear, anxiety or stress for a wide range of reasons — from feeling ill or hearing loud noises to seeing an animal walking outside their home.

You can better understand what your cat is feeling by observing their ears, tail, eyes, mouth, body and fur. It's also important to understand that some of these behaviors help them cope and calm down.

Signs that your cat is experiencing relaxation or positive emotions include:

a soft, relaxed and "neutral" body
narrowed, soft eyes with small pupils
a loose or softly swishing tail, or a question mark-shaped tail ("happy tail")
choosing other behaviors while in the presence of a potential trigger (person, animal, sound, object, etc.), such as calmly moving away, grooming, sitting or lying down

Signs that your cat is experiencing stress, overstimulation, fear or other negative emotions include:

a stiff and alert body
freezing or looking away
tense facial muscles or whiskers twitching
showing teeth, yawning or lip licking
wide eyes with large pupils or blinking
puffed up tail and fur (piloerection)
stiff tail vibrating up high or large swishing tail
ears back
hard stare and being unable to break focus from a trigger (fixation)

Escalated stress signals and behaviors include:

swatting and clawing
hissing or yowling
spitting
biting
fleeing or hiding

It’s important to listen to your cat's signals and respect their boundaries, so they don't feel the need to use more intense forms of communication to get their point across (i.e. growl, swat or bite).

If your cat is showing signs of fear, anxiety, stress or discomfort in response to something or someone, this is a trigger. Either remove the trigger from your cat's space or make a change to the environment to minimize exposure to this trigger (person or thing).

We’ll cover this in more detail below. For more in-depth information on cat body language, check out this B&T Lecture: Can You Speak Dog or Cat?

Severe Signs of Stress

Keep an eye out for any signs of more severe stress in your cat, including medical issues or sudden changes in behavior. In addition to reading their body language, assess their behavior and physical condition for any potentially serious issues such as:

Consistent running away or hiding.
Excessive meowing or extreme change in their meowing habits.
Signs of extreme fearfulness, aggressive behavior or being shut down.
Changes to or loss of appetite.
Sudden disinterest in playing and/or scratching, or other changes in behavior.
Peeing or pooping outside of the litterbox, spraying or other changes in bathroom habits.
Decreased grooming, over-grooming, chewing at fur or skin or other forms of self-harm.
Urinary Tract Infection (UTI): Stress can cause cats to avoid using the litter box or avoid eating/drinking (dehydration), which can then cause UTIs.
Upper Respiratory Infection (URI) or other illnesses triggered or made worse by stress.
Other illnesses or medical issues.

Trigger Stacking: The Effect of Stress

If an animal experiences multiple stressful events or triggers in a short amount of time, stress hormones can build up in the body faster than they have time to leave the body. This causes the animal to seem more on edge, and they may react to another trigger in a way that may seem "out of character" for them.

Humans can experience this, too! For example, if you get a flat tire on a stress-free, good day, you may be a little frustrated and annoyed, but will probably recover quickly. But, if you woke up late, skipped breakfast, stubbed your toe, lost your wallet, missed the bus and then got a flat tire, you might react with much more anger or stress. The same goes for our pets — this build-up of stress, referred to as "trigger stacking," can push an animal "over-threshold" and beyond their tolerance level.

After a stressful event, it’s important to allow your pet time to decompress to prevent them from becoming trigger stacked and pushed over-threshold. When a cat is stressed and pushed over-threshold, they are more likely to hiss, growl, swat or bite. For more information, check out: Trigger Stacking & Stress Hormones.

Tips for Working with Shy Cats

Don’t approach when they are busy: Leave your cat be when they are busy, such as when they are playing on their own or closely watching something outside. Also pay attention to signals like a twitching tail or when they roll over — no belly rubs, please!
Pheromone diffusers: Pheromone sprays and diffusers, such as Feliway, release pheromones similar to the natural ones cats produce to help cats relax and feel calm and comfortable. Cats are very sensitive to smells — new, unfamiliar smells and the lack of their own scent in an environment can cause stress and discomfort. Pheromones provide cats with a calming, familiar scent that can reduce signs of stress.
Low-pressure interactions: Avoid staring, making direct eye contact or towering over your cat. Do not pressure or force your cat to interact or share space with you.
Always ask for consent: Avoid pulling or forcing your cat out of hiding or to be held. Wait for your cat to approach you or solicit affection. (Watch this video on What Consent Looks Like in Cats)
Use a soothing voice: Avoid making loud noises and speaking in a deep, harsh or shrill voice. Speak softly and calmly. (Watch this video on How to Use your Voice as a Training Tool)
Let your cat have a choice: Allow your cat to choose to approach or interact — or not.
Handle your cat gently: Don’t pick up your cat by the scruff (back of their neck), paws or tail, and make sure that their chest and back legs are supported when you hold them.
Strengthen your bond through interactive play! Play fetch or use interactive toys that allow you to play with your cat from a distance — such as a Cat Dancer (a wire with cardboard bits on the end) or wand toys (a stick with a string and a toy tied to the end) — to engage your cat in chasing, grabbing and catching.

If your shy cat is not comfortable with interactive play, don’t force it! Let your cat enjoy solo play until they are ready to play with you.

Create positive associations: Pair new items or experiences, your voice, and petting with high-value foods and treats. (Check out this video on Paw Touches to see an example of pairing touch with treats. You can use this same technique for petting.)
Avoid Punishment: Never yell or hit your cat, because this will reinforce their fear and could encourage them to become aggressive. Watch this video on Positive Punishment and why you shouldn't use it, especially with fearful animals. Instead, use Positive Reinforcement and learn how to Stop Unwanted Behavior Without Intimidation.
Follow their lead: Allow your cat to move at their speed and choose whether or not to interact with people.
- Read and respond to your cat’s body language to ensure they feel comfortable.
- Do not force your cat to be pet, especially if they are displaying body language consistent with discomfort, fear or aggression.
- If your cat is showing interest in play, social interaction or affection, engage with them while taking frequent breaks to check how your cat is feeling and ask for consent to continue.

Environmental Management

Our pets' behavior changes depending on what they are trying to achieve and what environment they are in.

For example, when your cat’s been home alone all day, they may be craving social interaction, so they are very friendly and outgoing when you finally get home — they are trying to get attention and affection! But, when you have friends over, they may be overwhelmed and want peace and quiet, so they run and hide — they are trying to feel safe!

As pet parents, we can manage the environment to help shy or fearful cats feel more at ease, even when potential triggers (i.e., new people in the home) are present.

Management should always be done before training, because training may not be necessary after the environment is changed to address an issue.

Here are ways you can set up your home to create a calming, stress-free environment for your shy and fearful cat:

Provide a safe space: Provide your cat with a safe, small, quiet room or space. This space can be set up with hiding places, like a cat tree and cozy blankets. Be sure your cat’s space has a litter box within easy reach of the cat, but away from their food and water. Use calming music to drown out loud noises in the environment. (For more information on the importance and set up of a "safe space," check out these articles: Cat Confinement in a New Home and Adopting: Shy and Fearful Cats.)
Privacy and places to hide: Offer a variety of hiding options where your cat can hide completely, such as a carrier covered with a towel, a cat tree cubby or a hidey-hole. You can also drape blankets or towels on furniture or cat trees to provide make-shift hiding spots. If you do not provide your cat with appropriate places to hide, they will find or create their own hiding places (i.e., a closet, under a bed, behind or on top of furniture, etc.) that may be undesirable or inconvenient for the people in the home.
Litter box: Cats need their litter box to be easily accessible and comfortable for them to use. Stress can cause litter box issues, especially for shy, sensitive or fearful cats. Place the litter box somewhere convenient for your cat that is not in a busy or noisy area of the home.
- For example, if your cat has to pass the children's playroom to access their litter box, they may avoid using it when your children have friends over. Some fearful cats may prefer a covered litter box where they feel protected, while others may feel uncomfortable climbing into a covered litter box. Once you discover your cat's box, litter and location preference, do not change it. Environmental changes are stressful for our pets, and changes in the litter box can cause your cat to avoid using it, leading to accidents or health complications. (For more information, check out: Litter Box 101.)
Opportunity for solo play: Although interactive play is a great way to bond with your cat, some shy or fearful cats prefer solo play. With solo play, there isn't any social pressure, and your cat is not required to share space with you or another playmate. Furthermore, solo play allows your cat to go at their own pace and have full control over the speed and type of play. Provide them with ways to play on their own, such as a toy with a ball on a track or a scratching post with toys on an elastic cord. Note: Always supervise your pets when they are playing with toys that have strings or other things that they could swallow or get tangled up in.
Somewhere to scratch: Scratching is an important cat behavior because it serves many purposes! Not only does it help your cat maintain their nails and stretch their body, but it also helps relieve stress or frustration. Scratching is a form of scent communication and is sometimes used as a way to "claim" their territory, which can help your cat feel more comfortable in a space.
- You should offer at least one surface for your cat to scratch and knead. However, offering multiple scratchers and a variety of different types (vertical scratchers and scratching posts, horizontal scratching mats, angled scratching boards, etc.) is ideal.
- Offer different scratching textures (carpet, sisal, cardboard, or wood) to discover your cat's preference.
- A proper scratching surface will be at least one and a half times the length of a cat’s body so they can fully extend their arms to stretch and scratch.
- For more information on the importance of scratching, check out the article: Scratching: Why Cats Do It.
Enrichment!

Providing your pet with opportunities for enrichment is important to meeting their basic needs. Here are a few ways you can incorporate enrichment into your pet’s daily routine.

Mental enrichment: Mental enrichment is anything that works your pet's brain and fulfills their natural species-specific needs. Think: puzzles, brain games, sniffing, foraging, digging, licking, hunting and even training! Mental enrichment is calming, relieves stress and burns energy. For more information and ideas, check out: Feline Enrichment Facebook Group.
Visual stimulation: Provide a perch near a window where your cat can look outside at birds, bugs and other interesting sights. You can also use a phone, a TV or a tablet device to play “cat videos” to provide visual stimulation. On YouTube, search "Cat TV" to find a plethora of videos made for cats!
The “Cat Prey Sequence” in play: When playing with our cats, we can tap into their natural behavior by using the "cat prey sequence" of activities. The cat prey sequence — staring, stalking or chasing, pouncing or grabbing, biting and eating — refers to the order of behaviors cats perform when they catch prey in the wild. Interactive play and enrichment activities that allow a cat to complete the entire prey sequence are ideal because they are the most rewarding and fulfilling for the cat.
Catnip: If your cat is older than a year, they may have a positive response to catnip, which is an herb that stimulates cats and increases their energy level. Be careful using catnip if your cat is easily overstimulated or overexcited as it can make overstimulation worse.
Training: Through positive reinforcement training, you can stimulate your cat's brain and work their body all while building their confidence. Training is a great form of mental enrichment!

Positive Reinforcement and Confidence-Building

You can help your shy cat build their confidence and form positive associations with you and their home through reward-based, force-free training methods. Positive reinforcement training, or training that involves something pleasant like treats as a reward, is the most effective and humane way to teach a cat desired behaviors and help your cat feel more neutral or positive about situations that make them uncomfortable.

When your cat is exposed to new sights, sounds, people or experiences, praise and reward your cat with treats. This will help them associate new, unfamiliar experiences with good things (treats!) while reinforcing their relaxed, calm behavior. Watch this video on Desensitizing a Kitten to Rain and Thunderstorms to see an example of using treats to create positive associations with new sights and sounds.

For more information on desensitization, counter conditioning and confidence-building, check out our Well-Socialized Pet Resources YouTube playlist and Well-Socialized Pet Chats (30 min, online via Zoom).

Avoid punishment!

Do not punish your shy cat for hiding, fleeing, hissing, growling, spitting, swatting or biting. These are signs of fear and stress and should be listened to and respected.
Don’t yell at your cat, spray them with air or water, tap or smack them, use loud noises to startle or intimidate them, or use any other form of punishment. Punishment will only confuse and frighten your cat, increasing their fear and stress, and causing them to create a negative association with you and their home.

Note: When discussing training methods, "positive" refers to adding something to the environment. So, "positive punishment" refers to adding (or doing) something unpleasant that your cat doesn’t like to discourage a behavior. "Positive reinforcement" refers to adding (or doing) something pleasant that your cat likes to strengthen a behavior. For more information on positive reinforcement and positive punishment, check out: Positive Reinforcement: Does it Work?

Training Exercises

Treat Drop:

Gather high-value treats in a bowl, bag or treat pouch. Or grab a squeezable liquid treat like Churu Lickable Cat Treats.
Slowly and quietly enter your cat's safe space. You don't want to startle or frighten your cat.
Speak to your cat in a quiet, calm and soothing voice. Avoid direct eye-contact or staring at your cat.
Turn your body slightly so you are not directly facing your cat.
Locate a spot of the room that is near your cat and in their view, but not too close to them. About 3-6 feet away from your cat.
Slowly bend down and drop a small pile of treats where your cat can see them.
Slowly stand back up and walk away.
Exit the room. The goal is to simply drop treats for your cat and leave, without pressuring your cat to interact with you or do anything. This will help them associate your presence with good things.
Wait at least 30 minutes to enter your cat's safe space again. Give them time to get the treats on their own time and go back to relaxing. We want to avoid interrupting your cat's sleep and relaxation. Additionally, most shy cats will be startled and stressed by frequent visitors going in and out of their safe room too often.
Repeat.

Treat Retreat:

Gather high-value treats in a bowl, bag or treat pouch. Squeezable liquid treats like Churu Lickable treats won't work for this exercise.
Slowly and quietly enter your cat's safe space. You don't want to startle or frighten your cat.
Speak to your cat in a quiet, calm and soothing voice. Avoid direct eye-contact or staring at your cat.
Turn your body slightly so you are not directly facing your cat.
Locate a spot of the room that is near your cat and in their view, but not too close to them. About 5-10 feet away from your cat.
Slowly sit down where your cat can see you. It's best to sit on the floor, but a chair or couch works, too.
Gently toss a treat towards your cat, aiming for behind your cat. Be careful not to throw the treat at your cat — don't hit your cat with the treat. The goal is for the treat to land farther away from you, so your cat must retreat to get the treat. We do not want to use the treats to lure your cat to come closer to you, as this can make your cat feel pressured, uncomfortable and nervous. This exercise allows your cat to get farther away from you, which will provide your cat a sense of relief and comfort. This helps your cat create a positive association with you by pairing your presence with treats and that feeling of relief.
Continue speaking in a calm, soothing tone and avoiding direct eye contact or staring at your cat. Keep your eyes soft and blink slowly.
If your cat does not go for the treat, that's okay. End the exercise with a treat drop and leave the room. Your cat may not be ready to engage in the Treat Retreat exercise. If your cat does go for the treat, they may decide to maintain their distance or they may approach you for more treats. In either case, continue tossing the treats farther away. The goal of this exercise is NOT to lure your cat closer to you with treats.
Keep the session short, around 5-10 minutes. End the exercise with a treat drop and exit the room. If your cat follows you and wants to continue to engage, awesome! If not, leave them alone and let them decompress.

Shy Cat Training Class

San Diego Humane Society offers a live Shy Cat training class over Zoom. This five-week class for owners (we don’t expect your shy cat to attend!) will help you better understand your shy or fearful cat and what makes them different from other cats.

You’ll learn exercises to help your cat feel more comfortable and confident in your home, with your presence and with new stimuli (anything they can perceive, hear, smell, see, etc.). This class is designed to move your pet forward each week within your home.

Sessions are recorded so you can refer back to the material as needed as you move at your cat’s pace. This class is offered approximately every three months and meets once a week for an hour for five weeks. If this class isn't currently scheduled, join us for one of our other cat classes. Please reach out to us if you have additional questions!

Ask For Help

We understand that being a pet parent can be challenging, but San Diego Humane Society is here to help. We offer numerous options and resources for pet parents in need.

Here are your options:

If your cat has access to a large area of the home, confine them to a smaller area, ideally their original safe space. It’s possible that your shy cat gained access to the entire home before they were fully comfortable, causing them to become overwhelmed.

If you adopted your cat from San Diego Humane Society, schedule your free 1-hour Post Adoption Consultation online over Zoom. We’ll help troubleshoot while providing advice and next steps.

Enroll in our live online Shy Cat training class over Zoom.

Book an online Private Lesson (1 hour, online over Zoom). Open to everyone, these sessions focus on environmental management, troubleshooting and training exercises.

Find a positive reinforcement trainer who can come to your home to assess the situation. Look for a trainer who specializes in fearful cats.

More Behavior & Training Resources

San Diego Humane Society offers training classes and resources to address a variety of needs for companion animals.

Our training philosophy is based on the behavioral science concepts of positive reinforcement. Training your pet using these concepts will not only help them learn new behaviors more quickly, but it will also strengthen the bond you share.

Please visit our website for a current schedule of training classes or call 619-279-5961.